Let’s be honest. Genesis is a bit of a mess. This week, it struck me that throughout the book people are completely broken. God’s people make unwise decisions, abuse and defile one another and disobey time and time again. It begins with Adam and Eve disobeying (Gen 3:6), then Noah gets drunk after coming out of the ark (9:21). Abram lies and gives his wife to Pharaoh (12:13) and Sarai mistreats Hagar (16:6) after hearing the Lord’s promise. After being blessed with twins Rebekah is deceptive (27:10-17), Jacob steals Esau’s blessing (27:19); then his sons deceive and kill every Shechemite male (34:25)... and that’s before we even get to Joseph's brothers; it’s brutal!
Growing up in the church we were often taught about these “giants” of the faith and the wonderful things they did. The stories began with sin and ended in triumph. I was surprised to learn as an adult that these heroes sinned so severely, and many of them did so after their ‘defining lessons’ and victories that we are so eager to celebrate.
Children’s stories focus on the heroes’ faithfulness to God, which is important to teach, but I wonder what skipping over the parts that show their inadequacy and humanity does to our perception of the world when we make mistakes? Of course we don’t want to parade these awful acts around; and some things just aren’t suitable for children. But I think it’s important that our children and the church know that these people failed. They were victorious and they failed.
I think one sided teaching has done me a disservice. Over my life I have held myself to an impossible standard and lived in a constant state of not being good enough. Perfectionism is thrown around as a bit of a joke these days, it’s almost seen as a good trait to have. But for me it came with self hatred, crippling anxiety, and a complete lack of mercy for myself and others.
I’ve been asking God why I have such a standard, so I can unpack the lies and unhelpful beliefs and start to rebuild from a place of grace. This week made me realise it may stem from just hearing stories of the heroes - all the good and none of the bad.
Genesis reminded me that people mess up. A lot. People are faithful until they’re not. They’re strong until that strength fails. They’re reckless and selfish and nasty. As funny as it sounds, it encouraged me that things aren’t so black and white. We are all on a journey filled with wins and losses. We must try to uphold the standard God sets out for us, but we are destined to miss the mark. We must continually be refined and stay teachable but we will not reach perfection until we get to heaven - and that’s where God’s abundant grace and mercy comes in.
I have spent my life comparing my worst moments to these Bible heroes' best moments. So this week God is bringing some balance. He is showing me that even the heroes failed big, so when I fail, He has grace and mercy for me; and if He has grace and mercy for me, then I need to also show it to myself.