Remember when you wished you could be where you are right now?
I've been quite discontent lately watching so many of our friends explore the world. Seeing their stories and adventures has made me dissatisfied with my everyday. I forgot the fact that everyday for the past 5 years I dreamed of this and prayed it could be my reality. To be married to the man I love, to be brushing my teeth next to him everyday, to be vacuuming our carpet, cooking in our kitchen, to be living with him in our own little place. Why are we so quick to forget what we dreamed of when it finally becomes our reality?
There have been so many amazing moments that I've loved, but I've let myself get into the habit of comparison and it's so dangerous. I've been thinking, all these people are off travelling and I'm stuck here cooking dinner and spending 3 hours a day on the bus/train. How ridiculous! I went on more flights last year alone, than the rest of my life combined! I took that photo above in the most picturesque place I've ever been, in the heart of Austria, yet I'm sitting here thinking "everyone else gets to travel and I don't." Or complaining that now I have to be at University, something which I forget is such a privilege and also something I dreamed of!
So what is it? What is making us feel so discontent when we really have no reason to be? Comparison.
It's the thief of joy.
It strips away what we have and only makes us think about what we don't have.
One way we can combat it, is when we see a friend doing something we wish we could do, we can be happy for them. Be positive, be excited with them! Celebrating them doesn't mean you're losing out. Don't let yourself think of the "what if" or the "if only I could do that" the land of "if only" is a dangerous, unhappy and disappointing place to live.
It's something I'm seriously trying to work on after I've found myself becoming increasingly negative about everything. It has been spreading poison to every area of my life. The tiniest thing happens and I lose the plot because "I'm not lying near a pool in Bali" or "this wouldn't have happened if I was working full time like she is." The devil is just doing what he does best, trying (and succeeding) in stealing my joy in any way he can. I'm sick of letting him.
The other day Brad accidentally took both sets of keys to work with him which wasn't even his fault, so (after losing it for a few minutes) I pulled myself together, realised how silly I was being and walked down to the supermarket to get a few things. I'd never walked down before and I deliberately didn't take my phone (which was a big step in itself), so I could force myself to be truly appreciative of what was going on and how beautiful the day was. I started the walk frustrated, but walking back I made myself think of every single thing I was thankful for, big and small. It literally changed everything. All those silly lies I was believing that 'life sucked' faded in comparison to the joy I experienced. Sometimes you just have to force yourself. Start off small, if you can't think of anything, start off with "I'm thankful that I'm breathing" or "I'm thankful that I woke up today" and the rest will follow. It lifts your whole mood and shifts your mindset to one of gratitude. I know it sounds like the cheesiest message ever, but it's way more powerful thank you think. It can lead to a whole new perspective. It has been in these times of 'forced' thankfulness that I have actually ended up becoming truly thankful and saw new things and gained new revelations of God that couldn't have happened if I wasn't thankful.
Back in late 2012 I had decided to start a jar of 'little things' for 2013. I thought I'd start on Jan 1st and read them all on Dec 31st. God knew I needed it because 2013 became what I called the "year of everything" in short, the year of the most intense good times, but the most tragic times I have ever known. I wrote down just one little thing that was good everyday and put it in the jar. This was in the midst of my darkest days of depression where I saw everything through this ominous grey fog. Some days all I wrote was "I got through today" or "I saw a flower" or "someone opened the door for me." It was all I thought I had to be thankful for. Although small, these tiny moments of being thankful changed that year. It was one of the things that got me through when some days all I could think of was ending it all. That is something I am so thankful for. It slowly but surely started killing comparison because I wasn't thinking about what others had compared to me, and it started ruining the devils schemes.
Next time you see something that makes your heart flicker to jealously, discontentment or unhappiness, take control of the situation, don't let the devil have the victory. You don't have to be sad, you can celebrate with the person, celebrate their victory, what they have worked hard for. You don't know what they may have been through physically or mentally to get there themselves. It doesn't have to take away from your own happiness. But if comparison starts to creep in, think back to this time last year, or 5 years ago, or 10 years ago. Remember the times you prayed for the things you now have. Remember them, even if you have to say the same tiny little thing over and over; it's still a reason to be thankful.
